"So", said Matt, "It starts to make sense now, right?"
"Kind of", replied Nick, lying to himself. "You've narrowed it down to one of three pubs in the city centre, or five if I hit the suburbs?"
"Exactly. I've also calculated the probability of the venues based upon all known data - your original location, previous visits to the establishment and what I like to call the Nick factor, which is a mathematically improbable yet relevant piece of information based upon your ability to change your mind about everything at the drop of a hat, for any of the conditions listed in table B."
"Table B?" asked Nick.
"It's on page three."
"Ah yes, Table B...", Nick began reading, "The subject, Nick, may be affected by one or more of the following occurances. Special offers, lock ins and sudden proximity to food, women or food and women. How did you work all this out?"
"Oh, just observations I've made."
"You've done a graph."
"Yes, just observations I've made and then put into a spreadsheet. There's nothing funny about it."
"You've made a DVD."
"I had to make that for the research grant."
"You've got a research grant?"
"Yes"
"On me?"
"Yes"
"Cool! So, where do we start?"
"Based on all known data, I think we start in the Dragon."
* * *
"I don't think that was the place at all, you know." said Nick
"What makes you say that?" asked Matt, feigning surprise.
"I've never been there before. In fact, I didn't realise it existed. Furthermore, I suggest that you only wanted to go there so you could get a vegetarian breakfast and tell your hoity friends about this. Would I be right, Matt?"
"A little."
"A little or a lot?"
"A small lot. You know I can't work on an empty stomach."
"So, where now?"
"The Clockface."
"Good call. I've been there. Your round!"
"I know I am, but that's hardly in question here."